Do People Really Expect Thank You Notes Anymore?

Three years ago, I attended the Baby shower of a close friend's sister. I have never received a thank you note for the gift I selected, wrapped and brought with me. I remain surprised by this because my friend is always very prompt in sending them and assisting her children in writing and sending them.

Two years ago, I attended a Bridal shower and wedding of an acquaintance---no thank you notes for either occasion or gift.

On the flip side of this, I have another close friend who writes thank you notes for everything. She writes them for Christmas gifts, for birthday gifts and she even writes individual notes to her staff when they collectively take her out to lunch. To me, that's overkill. I always feel sick with guilt when I find that little envelope left on my chair at work. I have never given her a thank you note for a Christmas or birthday gift, My thoughts are that we exchange gifts and usually do so in person and give our in-person thanks at that time.

HOWEVER, I did write her thank you notes for my showers, my wedding gift, my son's Baptism and birthdays. To me, those occasions were more formal.

When I write thank you notes, I tend to keep them brief. I specifically mention the gift and how much I like it and how much it will be used and appreciated. When it's a gift of money, I thank them for the "generous gift of money" which is going into our vacation fund, college fund, new windows, etc. If the giver attended the event, I mention how nice it was to see her. If the giver did not attend, I mention that she was missed.